Scuba Scuba Pirate (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Scuba Scuba Pirate (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction) Synopsis - Patchy The Pirate, taking his pet parrot Potty against his will, scuba dives into the Pacific Ocean to find out where Bikini Bottom is. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Patchy The Pirate Potty The Parrot Patrick Star Dockman Eugene H. Krabs (Voice Only) Sea Bears (Cameo) The Story Ah Encino, a beautiful Californian town, home to a large population of 580,000, a great tourist attraction and home of excellent souvenirs. However, every town has at least one nutjob, but no other town has one as nutty as this freak. PATCHY: Hello kids! Welcome to a Patchy live segment! I got a real treat planned for today! Potty The Parrot, a crudely made puppet parrot enters the scene via his handstrings. POTTY: SQUAWK! No specials are planned for today. PATCHY: I am aware of that Potty, my annoying sidekick. Which is why, I will use the withdrawals as a day to finally achieve my lifelong goal! POTTY: SQUAWK! And what is this going to be? PATCHY: I will scuba dive into the Pacific Ocean to find Spongebob and all of his other Bikini Bottom Buddies! POTTY: SQUAWK! And how much screams do you predict they will emit when seeing a giant pirate loser almost crushing them. PATCHY: I borrowed a magician's shrink ray! I will shrink to the size of Sheldon J. Plankton, so underwater, I will be the same size as the rest of the characters. Plus I sent them a giftcard of my likeness to let them know of my visit! The scene cuts to Bikini Bottom where Spongebob finds the giftcard. Patrick walks up. PATRICK: What have you got there Spongebob? SPONGEBOB: I don’t know but it seems to be some giant distorted giftcard. Clearly the card giver has no idea on how pictures can end up distorted underwater as well as basic measurements and how different they are between the surface and the ocean floor. PATRICK: That's a shame. You want to go eat donuts now? SPONGEBOB: Okay! Back to Encino. Patchy fires up his boat. PATCHY: Now come on! We got a litany of adventure to attend to! POTTY: SQUAWK! Any officers passing by questioning this, I am being held against my will and am kidnapped. SQUAWK! Patchy cuts Potty's handstrings. PATCHY: ARRRGGGHH! The scene cuts to Patchy arriving at the docks. Patchy takes some water breathing equipment. POTTY: SQUAWK! You don’t know that stealing is illegal. PATCHY: Squawk! You never heard of the episode “Life of Crime” where Spongebob and Patrick BORROWED and not STOLE a balloon! Now shut up! POTTY: SQUAWK! This is what my life has come to. Patchy then “borrows” a submarine. PATCHY: Perfect! POTTY: SQUAWK! Whatever. A dockman arrives. DOCKMAN: Hey! What are you doing with my submarine?! PATCHY: Uh oh! The fuzz! Get in! Patchy and Potty get into the submarine. PATCHY: Shrink ray, away! Patchy shrinks himself and Potty. The dockman opens up the hatch and doesn’t see them. DOCKMAN: What..the?! Where did they go?! Oh well, whatever, guess I gotta drag this all the way back to the warehouse. I hate my life. In the sub, Patchy gets to the drivers seat. PATCHY: Here we go!!! The submarine turns on and flies into and under the ocean. DOCKMAN: …….. I need to cut back on the Ibuprofen. Patchy drives the submarine crazily through the depths of the briny deep. PATCHY: Arrgrgrgghhhhh!!! This vessel can’t fail me now! POTTY: SQUAWK! Unlike our friendship. PATCHY: Guess you want to go overboard?! POTTY: SQUAWK! Your threats will always be hollow, just like your brain. PATCHY: Quiet you beast of burden! Now to navigate! Patchy takes out his compass. PATCHY: Bikini Bottom is north! The compass needle however begins to turn in all directions. PATCHY: Wait, what..the?! POTTY: SQUAWK! The compass can not take all of the pressure being many miles deep. PATCHY: English? POTTY: SQUAWK! You suck! PATCHY: I will incinerate you! The submarine then crashes into a rock. Patchy and Potty escape and swim underwater. POTTY: SQUAWK! Nice one ignoramus. PATCHY: You are boiling my blood!! Suddenly, Patchy picks up a smell. PATCHY: Arrgh, what is that?! POTTY: Your B.O. PATCHY: What is it really?! Potty smells it. POTTY: Maybe food. PATCHY: Food? FOOD!! That means Krabby Patties! And where there is Krabby Patties! There is Spongebob! Patchy and Potty then see a trail. PATCHY: FOLLOW ME!!!! Patchy and Potty swim in this direction. Meanwhile, at The Krusty Krab, Spongebob exits the front doors with a big wind fan. SPONGEBOB: Hey Mr.Krabs! What do you want me to do with this big wind fan? MR.KRABS: Just push it to the curb many miles away. Now stop bothering me! Counting me money! SPONGEBOB: Can do Mr.Boss Man! Spongebob pushes the wind fan a large distance but then trips over a rock and his fingers accidentally push the on button. SPONGEBOB: Uh oh. Spongebob is blown away into the Krusty Krab. Patchy and Potty are approaching the horizon of Bikini Bottom! PATCHY: Oh hoh hoh! I SHOULD’VE BROUGHT MY PICTURE CAMERA THAT I WON IN THE BUILD A JELLYFISH NET COMPETITION SO I CAN PICTURE THIS FOR MOMENTOS! Suddenly, they are blown away with big force from the wind fan that can reach many miles. PATCHY: ARRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!! POTTY: SQUAWK! And I thought Patchy's farts in the morning were worse! PATCHY: Stop insulting me!! Patchy and Potty finally land at their destination many miles away from Bikini Bottom. Patchy picks up a rock in anger. PATCHY: FISHPASTE!!!! He throws the rock across a large distance causing it to hit Farmer Jenkins, who was planting a pumpkin, which is destroyed. JENKINS: BAH! I knew no good would come from dastardly pirates and their no good rocky machines!!!! ………… Wait what? Back to the failure duo. POTTY: SQUAWK! That rock has higher IQ then you. PATCHY: What is this! 62 insults?! POTTY: SQUAWK! Why 62? PATCHY: Because, Man-Ray said 62. POTTY: SQUAWK! And also because, 62 is the number of girlfriends of which you will never enjoy. Patchy, with a “I’m so done” look on his face,.. grabs out his trusty bowl of Spongebob Gelatin and smashes it into Potty's face. PATCHY: COME ON! THERE HAS TO BE SOME WAY TO THIS TOWN!! Patchy and Potty hitchhike,.. Patchy steps into needle territory and reels in pain whilst Potty watches. Patchy and Potty use a teleportation device,... they end up teleporting into a Sea Bear Cage. PATCHY: Uh oh! The sea bears begin tearing Patchy to shreds while Potty teleports away. Patchy and Potty attempt to crawl underground,.... Patchy falls into a ravine while Potty simply flies out. NARRATOR: 74 minutes later. Patchy, looking very beaten up, collapses on the side of a road. Potty flies up looking just fine and then Patchy gets to his feet. PATCHY: THAT’S IT! I AM DONE WITH THIS! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET TO THIS TOWN WITHOUT ONE FAIL AFTER THE NEXT! WHY AIL ME! WHY?!!! ARRRGGGHHGHHHH!!! POTTY: SQUAWK! You were always a failure in my eyes. Patchy, his eyes turning red due to being sick of Potty's insults, punches his parrot in the face. Patchy, returning to normal, then regrets what he has just done. POTTY: SQUAWK! Friendship over. SQUAWK! Oh the pain, the pain. PATCHY: NO POTTY! I am so sorry! I mean, you suck at insults and may be a huge pain in my hindquarters but you were always a true friend that stuck by me through thick and thin! Please forgive me!! This shouldn’t have happened. Potty initially turns the cold shoulder but then realizes that his instigation had caused this to happen and decides to stop. POTTY: SQUAWK! I went a little too far this time. PATCHY: So are we friends again? POTTY: SQUAWK! For once you’re correct. Patchy hugs Potty. POTTY: SQUAWK! I’m claustrophobic! PATCHY: Sorry Patchy and Potty begin swimming up. PATCHY: Finding Bikini Bottom is so overrated! Why the trouble?! POTTY: SQUAWK! You giving up the show and the fan club? PATCHY: Not in a million years! As Patchy and Potty swim away to the surface. It was revealed that Spongebob and Patrick have been watching this recent altercation. SPONGEBOB: Wow, never saw someone so devoted. PATRICK: But what a great show! Category:SquidwardTentacles35